Monthly Archives: March 2015

I Hate My Novel

I gotta be straight with you, writing really sucks for me right now. I haven’t felt this apathetic about my writing in a long while and to be frank, it terrifies me. I don’t want to lose interest in what I love doing, but I think it’s because of my novel. I’m so fucking sick of my goddamn novel, I could puke. Yeah, I wrote a cliché, deal with it! Where was I? Oh, I’m sick of my novel! I’m sick, sick fucking sick fuck sick of my novel!

That felt cathartic because I know every writer EVER has felt the same way at some point. But here’s the thing, I’ve been writing this damn thing for about five years now. It took Stephen King 12 years to write the Gunslinger ( I really like that one). I harbor no illusions that I can write such an extensive and expansive novel as the one I’m currently writing in a year, or even two. My novel is set in a post apocalyptic future. Cannibalism is rampant, so is slavery, rape, prostitution, drug use, depravity and all kinds of really fucked up shit. It’s also set in a future militaristic dictatorship. A lot of research went into it and I’m still researching. Yeah, it reeks of the Hunger Games, but this ain’t a young adult fiction novel. Not that there’s anything wrong with young adult fiction, it’s just this ain’t it.

I’ve found that as I develop as a person and learn new things, I want to jam all that into the novel somehow. I’m consumed with the theme and whether or not I’m being to heavy or light-handed. Ugh.

I just need to chill the fuck out.

I’m too far inside my own head, my self-doubt is crippling my creativity. I’d rather clean my house than write one more fucking word of my novel.

And yet, I slog through it. I write and rewrite. I promised myself I’d finish my first draft by the end of this year. It’s March, nearly April and I’m barely on chapter three. Two pages a day is what my novel instructor, Mark Sarvas told me. Honestly, I’ve gone nearly three weeks without writing jack shit. Don’t judge me!

So, I’m climbing back into the saddle and to keep myself honest, I’m going to check in with you all every week to update you on my progress. I’d do it everyday, but for my current schedule that would not be realistic. So, here’s to writing my novel. All the cuts the bruises will be worth it in the end.

RONIN STAND UP!!!

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